I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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