I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
