I'm so fucking centered right now
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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