she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
