Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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