i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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