Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
