ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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