mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
