thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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