Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
