just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
