make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
