Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
