I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
