There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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