I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
