Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
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theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
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what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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