I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I can feel your judgement through the phone
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
