I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
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