You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
