im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I could make wine with my vomit
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
a search helicopter?!
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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