How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
