you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
