glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
