do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
