I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
