...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
