you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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