oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
