if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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