....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
