the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
