I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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