9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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