we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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