I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
