worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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