I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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