Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
