we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
