i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We need to get me chipped asap
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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