After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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