I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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