was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
