they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
