yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
