3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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