I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
