Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
