Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
