the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
