i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
