You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
