the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
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