I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
