did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
