Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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