can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
