Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
