if i died would you start the facebook group?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
