i would punch a child for taco bell
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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