We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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