I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
