FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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