We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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