I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
