It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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