how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
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Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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