Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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