thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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