I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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