How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
