Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
