In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think a kid would responsible me up
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
