I have demons in me.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Randomize
