You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
