the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
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Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
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I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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