my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
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he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
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It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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