the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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