IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
